Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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