I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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