Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
