Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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