I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
