you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
