we're blogging at a bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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