I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
