You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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