I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
