pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
