During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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