That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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