I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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