Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
