i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
