"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
