I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
