i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize