You really coming over, don't trick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
