Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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