tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
