too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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