shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
