Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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