your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
