God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
