So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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