Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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