fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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