I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
