I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
