I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
