1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
