Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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