ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize