She announced her abortion via fbk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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