I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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