I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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