I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
