can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
