Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
