I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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