my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
