We need to rekindle our bromance
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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