dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
