Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize