i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
