one two three fourrrrnication!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
