ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
