If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we made out on top of his cat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
