was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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