Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize