Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
