i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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