i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
