his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
