Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could teleport
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
