so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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