he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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