The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
