I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
