the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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