It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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