he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
