Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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