I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
