Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
