Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
